Trust. That's one big lesson He's been working with me on lately. "Love always trusts." So if I say that I love Him, I need to trust Him, fully and completely, without the slightest shadow of a doubt. For me, that's taking a great deal of work! I am naturally not a very trusting person. I like to plan ahead and be in control. However, if my life is ever going to be fulfilling, I have come to realize that it will only be through His will. And that is, of course, where trust comes in. Even when I can't see as far into my future as I'd like to, I can take courage in the knowledge that He can. He knows everything that He has planned for my life. He knows the purpose He has for me. My life will not be wasted if I put my trust in Christ alone.
One verse that has always been close to my heart is Psalm 56:3-4 -- "When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust and am not afraid..."
I like to believe I'm not afraid, but when I examine the truth behind my desire to plan and control, it boils down to fear. That common fear of the unknown. I think God is really helping me overcome this fear. He has several times in the past year pushed me way outside my comfort zone like never before. Believe it or not, I think it was good for me. I think I needed to let some walls come down and just step out into the unknown for once. Then twice. Then a few more times before 2016 could be over. And you know what? I think I am a stronger person because of all those new situations I found myself in. (I know, shocker, right? ;-)
Have I completely overcome my fear and learned to trust without batting an eye? Er, no, I'm not quite there yet. But I'm still growing, still learning, still changing. And I'm going to let God keep working on me until I am the woman after His own heart that He desires me to be.
One of my biggest goals for this new year is to spend more quiet time in God's Word and in prayer. So far, I am getting along fairly. And as I become yet another year older, I think of it as another year full of spiritual growth opportunities and I am excited to see the ways God will push me even further this year than last. ...Alright, at least I will appreciate it after the fact, even if the initial idea appalls me. After last year's experiences, though, it's safe to say that I will be a lot more willing to step outside my comfort zone, now, knowing that it'll all be for my good. Even if I can't yet see around the bend in the road.